If your sensitivities are easily offended by very mild off-coloredness (but no foul language), I suggest you don’t read this…or get a sense of humor.
If the city attorney’s race and the Sanders vs. Francis mayoral rave-up are San Diego’s center ring attractions this campaign season, the continuing saga of John Hartley has to be the amusing little side show. After all, most folks don’t attend the circus for the clowns alone, but they are funny and do add to the overall spectacle.
If you somehow missed the previous news, former San Diego City Councilman Hartley – vying again for his once-held seat – was arrested a few weeks back during one of his daily precinct walks after some citizens claimed he was urinating into a cup and then masturbating, all while sitting in his vehicle. Enough of that day’s events, but suffice it to say that the resulting jokes and double entendres have been endless.
After a very quiet several days on his part, Hartley came out and admitted a mistake – although not the worst aspect – and pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor for a lewd act in public. He even sent out an “I apologize” mailer, saying he simply had to “take a leak” while campaigning door-to-door. Such wording in a campaign mail piece may be unprecedented.
Given that most of the residents of Council District 3 apparently weren’t even aware of the incident, it was a bit unclear why the campaign felt the need to proclaim it to thousands in the mail. But, strategically, it is understood if consultant Larry Remer likely assumed Hartley would get hit big time in the mailboxes at some point. Thus, he needed to get the proverbial “inoculation” piece out early, complete with Hartley’s straight, honest regret and self-responsibility, without referencing the worst part of the allegations.
So, just when you’d think the chuckles might have somewhat died down, Hartley showed up to a campaign debate on Friday morning at the San Diego Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Community Center and declared, “I got myself in a pickle.” Not surprisingly, the quip resulted in its own sub-headline as part of Saturday’s Union-Tribune story.
The prudes among us may ask, “So what?” about Hartley’s pickle comment. But, I don’t need to talk to any fellow political watchers to know that chuckles have turned to guffaws.
I don’t know Remer well, but I do know him – and I’m fully aware of his capabilities as a longtime consultant and PR professional. I don’t buy for a second that he advised his candidate to use the pickle phrase. It must have been a different advisor – or the candidate listening to himself.
So, somehow, I’m just not envisioning the following strategic discussion actually taking place between consultant and client. But, let’s listen in anyway – to the conversation that did not happen:
Consultant: You know, John, now that we’ve done the pre-emptive mail piece with the apology, addressing the issue head-on – if you know what I mean – it still doesn’t completely fix things. When you’re out walking and going to candidate forums, the issue is still gonna be raised, so to speak. There will be questions. We’ve gotta figure out a way for you to address it straight-up and put it to rest before you get asked. Maybe something apologetic, self-deprecating and slightly humorous … perhaps metaphorical … a play on words. Something that will still place the fault squarely in your lap – sorry, no pun intended – while maybe making people laugh. That will diffuse the issue before you even get asked about it.
John Hartley: Yeah, good idea … let me think. How about “I am such a weenie”?
Consultant: Hmmm … that might be a little too straightforward.
JH: Gosh, a play on words … funny … self-deprecating. Hmmm … what about a car metaphor, like “I really threw a rod on that one”?
Consultant: Well, that is funny, but …
JH (interrupting): Wait … is that a metaphor or an analogy?
Consultant: I can’t remember … but, the wording may not be subtle enough anyway.
JH: Yeah, I see what you mean. Well … okay, I’ve got it … I could say, “We all know what a boner I pulled while walking precincts” … waddaya think?
Consultant: Uhhh, John, you may be missing the point. That’s a bit too metaphorical.
JH: Yeah, right. So, I guess humdinger is out of the question too. Well, this is exactly why I pay you the big bucks – do you have any ideas?
Consultant: Okay, yeah, well, I was thinking a bit subtler, like something that alludes to the mess you’ve made – sorry, I didn’t mean it that way – maybe something about a fruit. A banana? No. How about a pickle? Yeah, how about that you’ve gotten yourself into a pickle?
JH: Is a pickle a fruit? I thought it was a vegetable?
Consultant: Okay, maybe it’s a vegetable.
JH: Is it with the fruits or the vegetables in the Horton Plaza parking garage?
Consultant: I can’t remember … but, I think vegetables grow on vines and fruit on trees or something.
JH: A watermelon grows on a vine.
Consultant: Okay, whatever, in this case pickle is meant as a baseball term anyway … if you use pickle to describe your predicament, I don’t think the media or a voter will follow-up with the fruit or vegetable question. I’ll look it up on Wikipedia just so we know. So, what about it?
JH: Hmmm, "in a pickle" … I guess that works … should we poll on it?
Consultant: There’s no time, that LGBT breakfast thingy is in two days, and another survey doesn’t fit in the budget anyway. But, my instincts tell me that pickle meets our criteria perfectly.
JH: Well, okay, that debate might be a good place to test it, at any rate.
Consultant: Ok, “I got myself in a pickle,” it will be. Let me draft up some message points and we can practice your delivery tomorrow.
JH: Ok, I’ve gotta go to the bathroom. Great job.
Consultant: Thanks.
To be sure, no such discussion took place. The most likely explanation comes down to Hartley saying something that he thought would be honest while clever, without having fully contemplated the possibility of it becoming part of a Union-Trib headline, thus providing bloggers and the political echo chamber another two weeks of fodder.
A minor act has now turned into the side show that may never end. In politics as well as business, if not the circus, it is said that people rise to the level of their incompetence. Isn’t that called the Peter Principle? I can’t remember.
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April 23rd, 2008 at 12:00 am
Wow, hope Barry never listens to my consultant. Great article
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:00 am
What amazes me is the fact that no one mentions the BGO here. That’s the blinding glimpse of the obvious. It doesn’t matter which story you belive here, his “I was taking a leak” or the accusers “he was masterbating”. The bottom line is that after using his tool in some many because no bathroom was available. He went door to door pressing the flesh and shaking voters hands — NIIIICE!