Since we’re a website on California politics, I am not going to assume that all of our readers know that life-long Republican Charlie Crist, the Governor of Florida and a candidate for United States Senate, in recent days announced his departure from the GOP, choosing to re-register as an independent to guarantee his presence as a candidate for the Senate this November. Crist, you see, had been the prohibitive front-runner for the GOP nomination – but his strong embrace of President Obama and some of his most liberal policies (most famously the TARP plan) on top of years of embracing his own form of populism that demonstrated a severe lack of defining ideology – made him very unpopular with Florida’s Republican voters. His former primary opponent, former Florida House Speaker Marco Rubio, a strong conservative, had been an underdog against Crist, but then as Rubio’s message spread, and Crist’s embrace of Obama (literally) became well know, Rubio shot way ahead to the point where Crist was sure to lose the GOP nomination – hence his decision to bail on the Republican Party all together.
The nexus to California politics comes into play because it was revealed in an article in the St. 
Petersberg Times, and brought to the attention of left-coast politics thanks to Anthony York blogging for Capitol Weekly and the Los Angeles Times, that one of the people whom Governor Crist consulted when deciding whether to bail on the Grand Old Party was none other than our own esteeming “post-partisan” Republican Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger. According to the St. Petersburg Times article, Crist says that Schwarzenegger encouraged him to leave the party.
So one has to wonder what that conversation might have been like. I’m sure Governor Schwarzenegger would be returning a call to Governor Crist…
Schwarzenegger (GAS) : “So Charlie, I understand you are almost post-partisan! Good for you!”
Crist: “Hello Ahh-nold! No I’m not depressed, and I’m not pregnant. Although from all of the attention I’ve been getting, you’d think I was having a baby! Ha! Actually, all of this attention from reporters is addictive – I can see why you love it so much, Ahh-nold!”
GAS: “No, no, Charlie, not postpartum, post partisan. You know, of neither political party!"
[Schwarzenegger cups hand over phone and turns to Susan Kennedy in a whispered tone, “This guy is stupid, why are you making me talk to him?”]
GAS: “Charlie, have you thought through his decision carefully. You know there are pros and cons of this sort of thing, and you should really think it all through.
Crist: “Post-partisan – I like that phrase. May I borrow it?”
GAS: “Sure” [Rolling his eyes.]
Crist: “Ahh-nold, so you think it is a good idea for me to bail on the Republican Party? You know, I have been a Republican all of my life, which has served me well because, well, I’m considered by many to be a pretty handsome guy and, well, climbing up the ladder of an existing political structure seemed easiest. They love me in the GOP! Or – well, they did – until Maaaarco came along. [Lower tone] I don’t see what they see in that self-absorbed weenie kid anyways.
GAS: “Well, Charlie, I can tell you that your situation is a lot different than mine. Like you, I campaigned as an economic hard-liner in both of my campaigns for Governor. Of course as an internationally famous celebrity, I had a lot of – you know – star power to bring to bear so I really could ignore the media a lot, and do my own thing as a candidate. I don’t think you can get away with that, you know? While we did not have a Democrat in the White House when I ran for office, I don’t think that if we did, I would have embraced him during my campaigns. Now, of course, I am happy to do so – in fact while I had some initial concerns about Obamacare, I just embraced and endorsed it last week! But then again, I’m not running for anything. And, I should probably add, my popularity with the voters these days is in the toilet. I’m like less popular than Mel Gibson right after his Jew bashing!
[Schwarzenegger to Chief of Staff Susan Kennedy: “Crist isn’t a Jew, right? I mean, you can’t be named Crist and be a Jew? I hope I didn’t offend him just now…]
Crist: “Ahh-nold, it’s been terrible. My popularity has plummeted, too. About the only people that love me now are the folks at the Florida Education Association – the state teachers public employee union – and that’s because I vetoed legislation that would have held teachers accountable that the self-important Republicans in the legislature put on my desk. Can I tell you that many of them have endorsed me, but I know they talk about me behind my back. Jerks. My big problem is that the Republican big donors have bailed on me, Arnie!”
GAS: “Actually, Charlie, there are a few reasons why I myself have never re-registered as an independent – and the first of those is the huge (I meanly really big) checks that I am able to raise from Republican donors. I mean I can do virtually anything, and they will fill up my campaign coffers. Heck, last year I campaigned for the largest tax increase in California history, and while we got blown out of the water by the voters, it wasn’t because I couldn’t get big bucks from my GOP donor friends. So leaving the party would be expensive – and you know I have a lot of people around me that I need to take care of… But I also don’t leave the GOP because the novelty of my hanging out with the likes of Al Gore wouldn’t be nearly as newsworthy. Then there is also my need to deprive my wife of the satisfaction of my leaving the GOP, but that’s more of a side issue…
Crist: “Al Gore is a great guy…”
GAS: “If I were running for U.S. Senate, I might very well have had to leave the GOP – I think I mentioned I am not too popular these days. But fortunately I can return to my acting career, and travel the world in my private jet promoting my films, and raising awareness of the dangers of man-made carbon emissions to the climate of the world. In your position, it’s a no brainer. Like me, you don’t really believe most of the dogma of the Republicans anyways and your only real shot is to run as an independent. So that, I think, is what is your best course of action.
GAS: “You should re-register, and then you should veto that budget that the Republican legislators put on your desk. Then you’ll get a lot of press coverage from the special session there in Miami. By vetoing the bill, you will show that you are now officially not a GOPer. It will be marvelous. When you have a budget show-down, the media are on you every day. It’s better than the red carpet at the Academy Awards!
[Kennedy to Schwarzenegger: "The Capitol of Florida is Tallahassee."]
Crist: “Miami? Errr, never mind. So you think I should be an independent? I was going to base my final decision on the polling we are doing – I typically base all of my key decisions around public opinion research, don’t you? Anyways, Aah-nold, I appreciate your taking the time to chat with me. Before we get off of the phone, I do have one more question for you.
GAS: “Yes?”
Crist: “If this Senate gig doesn’t work out for me, do you think I have what it takes to, well, be a movie actor, like you? I’ve been told I look a lot like John O’Hurley. Listen to this… ELAINE, ELAINE, ELAINE! Pretty good, eh?”
GAS: “Charlie – stick to politics. I can only tell you that if you leave the Republican Party, I’ll be with you in spirit. I’d love to join you. But right now I am – get this – raising money from Republican donors to fund a ballot measure to destroy the Republican Party out here. This movie star with the ‘R’ next to his name isn’t called the Collectinator for nothing! Good luck, Charlie!”
Crist: “Thanks, Aah-nold!”
[Schwarzenegger to Kennedy: “He’s almost as painful to talk to as Maldonado”]
Care to read comments, or make your own about today’s Daily Commentary?
Just click here to go to the FR Weblog, where this Commentary has its own blog post, and where you can read and make comments.