With California dominated by irreverent liberals at every level of government, saying ‘Merry Christmas’ is so awkward. Christmas carols are no longer allowed sung in public schools. Christmas plays have been cancelled, and gift exchanges must be generic.
To accommodate this brave new world thinking, may I present the Twelve Days of California’s Generic Holiday, sung to the antiquated Twelve Days of Christmas:
On the first day of HOLIDAY
my partner sent to me:
A condor on protected land.
On the second day of HOLIDAY
my partner sent to me:
Two vegan hot dogs (PETA approved)
and a condor on protected land.
On the third day of HOLIDAY
my partner sent to me:
Three Islamic rebels
Two vegan hot dogs
and a condor on protected land.
On the fourth day of HOLIDAY
my partner sent to me:
Four Union Contracts (all for the UFW)
Three Islamic rebels
Two vegan hot dogs
and a condor on protected land.
On the fifth day of HOLIDAY
my partner sent to me:
FIVE CARBON CREDITS… (must be used in the next cap and trade auction)
Four Union Contracts
Three Islamic rebels
Two vegan hot dogs
and a condor on protected land.
On the sixth day of HOLIDAY
my partner sent to me:
Six transgender bathrooms
FIVE CARBON CREDITS…
Four Union Contracts
Three Islamic rebels
Two vegan hot dogs
and a condor on protected land.
On the seventh day of HOLIDAY
my partner sent to me:
Seven drastic gun laws (and background check to buy gun cleaning lit)
Six transgender bathrooms
FIVE CARBON CREDITS…
Four Union Contracts
Three Islamic rebels
Two vegan hot dogs
and a condor on protected land.
On the eighth day of HOLIDAY
my partner sent to me:
Eight new vaccinations (mandatory)
Seven drastic gun laws
Six transgender bathrooms
FIVE CARBON CREDITS…
Four Union Contracts
Three Islamic rebels
Two vegan hot dogs
and a condor on protected land.
On the ninth day of HOLIDAY
my partner sent to me:
Nine pre-owned Teslas (comes with a 4 year, 50,000 limited warranty)
Eight new vaccinations
Seven drastic gun laws
Six transgender bathrooms
FIVE CARBON CREDITS…
Four Union Contracts
Three Islamic rebels
Two vegan hot dogs
and a condor on protected land.
On the tenth day of HOLIDAY
my partner sent to me:
Ten high speed rail cars (Made in China)
Nine pre-owned Teslas
Eight new vaccinations
Seven drastic gun laws
Six transgender bathrooms
FIVE CARBON CREDITS…
Four Union Contracts
Three Islamic rebels
Two vegan hot dogs
and a condor on protected land.
On the eleventh day of HOLIDAY
my partner sent to me:
Eleven bills for immigrants (remember, you can’t say “illegal alien”)
Ten high speed rail cars
Nine pre-owned Teslas
Eight new vaccinations
Seven drastic gun laws
Six transgender bathrooms
FIVE CARBON CREDITS…
Four Union Contracts
Three Islamic rebels
Two vegan hot dogs
and a condor on protected land.
On the twelfth day of HOLIDAY
my partner sent to me:
Twelve new tax measures (more is never enough in California)
Eleven bills for immigrants
Ten high speed rail cars
Nine pre-owned Teslas
Eight new vaccinations
Seven drastic gun laws
Six transgender bathrooms
FIVE CARBON CREDITS…
Four Union Contracts
Three Islamic rebels
Two vegan hot dogs
and a condor on protected land.
If California’s Generic Holiday still makes you uncomfortable, just admit you’re an atheist and shut up around the rest of us who still celebrate Christmas.
Merry Christmas to all. And Happy Hanukkah.