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Mike Spence

HELP! I’ve Fallen And I Need Government To Help Me Up!

Not since the Chia Pet or the Clapper has a commercial like the medical alert program featuring a lady that had fallen and couldn’t get help caught the fancy of untold thousands of Americans.

Always looking to be on the edge, the State Senate and soon the State Assembly will pass SCR 77 that would declare the first week of fall as “Fall Prevention Awareness Week”. Get it? First week of fall!

The bill has received no negative votes to date and will pass easily unless there is some activity from the pro-falling lobby (trial lawyers?). 

What does it do?

“This measure would urge the California Department of Aging and the area agencies on aging to incorporate fall prevention in their upcoming state and local area master plans and recommend the California Health and Human Services Agency develop standardized definitions and reporting methods that will improve available information on falls. This measure would also recommend that fall prevention guidelines be incorporated into state and local planning documents that affect housing, transportation, parks, recreational facilities, and other public facilities.”

Lacking this effort, too many facilities would include pro-falling features at the expense of our citizens. Since these guidelines need to be developed, I have some thoughts.

· No Falling Zones. These zones would have to be clearly posted and enforced. I would hate to add a fine to these zones, but the state probably needs the revenue. I do think we should identify and deport illegal aliens that fall. They are a drain on the resources of the non-falling.

· Liberals could propose taxing the falling. Clearly, these types of people are falling at the expense of the rest of us. I do think they have the votes in the Senate for such a tax, but would fall short in the Assembly.

· The Legislature could expand the ban on the use of cell phones for those that have a history of falling. It is just a big distraction and people are getting hurt. This way their hands would be free to steady them as they go. (Unless they are eating, putting on make-up etc…)

–Mandate peel less bananas by 2012. There is debate on whether this technology is feasible or practical and bananas may cost $5 each, but if one just one person is saved from falling it would be worth it.

· The state could pass a waiting period before using steps or ladders. We don’t want people in a hurry running out and using such things in a rage. It could be awful.

· Instead of banning Mylar balloons, the state could assist citizens with a history of falling by using these balloons to help keep them afloat…for a few days anyways.

-The government can suspend The Law of Gravity in certain circumstances. Impossible some may say. History has shown there is no limit on government’s ability to suspend reality.

· I’m concerned that this important awareness week will drop off the radar and never reach it’s potential heights. To prevent that, supporters should develop a department that only deals with falling. We may need a bond to finance anti-falling technology. Hasbro has been in a leader in this area, but shouldn’t Weeble technology be shared with everyone?!

This is a very important issue. If you have any ideas please put them down.

Now if only California’s deficit would fall.

 

 

 

 

One Response to “HELP! I’ve Fallen And I Need Government To Help Me Up!”

  1. bill.leonard@comcast.net Says:

    If only the Legislature had passed this in 2005 I am sure that I would not have fallen down those stairs and severed my quadriceps tendon. :-)