That’s right, I’ve gone green.

– And I have the piece of paper to prove it  (more on that in a minute).

My green adventure started today when I read this standard scold article in the Contra Costa Times.  The headline says it all – and gives the reader the gist of the article right off:  "Lawmakers’ flashy, fuel-sucking cars on road at the expense of taxpayers"

Wow.  Or should I say ouch.  I just knew this article wasn’t going to be good – especially because I’m in it.

The article is the fairly standard piece almost all papers do about legislators’ vehicles – highlighting the cost of each car. They also tend to be real vague that despite the actual cost – we all get exactly the same car allowance, and any costs above that allowance we pay for out of our own pocket.  Since I drive a 2005 Lincoln Aviator, I pay $223.81 extra out of my paycheck each month to pay for the lease.  So whether a legislator drives a Prius or an Aviator – the taxpayer car stipend is the same for all.

But this article went further – it rated our cars, and us, by mpg – and apparently I failed.

Here’s the quote:

"Sen. Jim Battin, R-Palm Desert, drives the biggest fuel-hound: a charcoal-beige 2005 Lincoln Aviator that averages 13 mpg, according to Environmental Protection Agency ratings. Battin did not return calls for comment."

That hurt, and I was so shaken by being last that I was compelled to action.  Action, action, action!  I needed to do something to save the environment – and fast.  I was just feeling so guilty.

So, I thought, what do other people do when they are embarrassingly caught using excess energy – especially if they’re self-proclaimed champions of the environment  (like me)?

What should a California elected official do when it is found out he’s using an extravagant amount of energy when he mandating others cut back?

How on earth do I avoid becoming a complete hypocrite by using excess energy to live the lifestyle that I want to and wanting others to believe I’m an environmental champion? 

So, to ease my guilt and avoid any criticism – I did what others have done – I bought my way out of it with carbon credits.  Yep – that’s right, no more guilt for me and you can’t even criticize me for driving my Aviator – because I’m carbon neutral.  So there.

Here’s a copy of my guilt cleansing DriveNeutral Certification:

And it only cost me $45……what a deal.

Now, I have absolutely no idea who LiveNeutral is, or what they are going to do with my $45 to make me carbon neutral, but I found them on the internet and they gave me an official looking certificate with the CO2 offset lot number of CFI 99982-100907-14 – so they must be legit.

And, they tell me, my $45 is 100% tax deductible.  Cool.

In fact, I’m so sure that this carbon credit offset organization is so completely above board I challenge the Contra Costa Times and every other media outlet in the country to look into them and the rest of the carbon off-setters to guarantee they aren’t ripping me and my fellow enviros off.  In fact, I double dare them!  I even triple dare them to prove me wrong.

Funny, I don’t think I’ve ever seen an investigative piece on this brand new unregulated industry…..Go figure – I guess the press must be too busy.

Until they do – I’m just going to smugly be judgmental about all those of you that aren’t carbon neutral like me.  

Now that I’m carbon neutral, I’m eagerly waiting for the editorial praising me and my environmental activism – I can hardly wait.

(hey – I wonder if the reporter who wrote the article has a carbon neutral car?)

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 19th, 2008 at 12:00 am and is filed under Blog Posts.