I’m being punished.
I tried to save the world with my eco-friendly, carbon neutral Lincoln Aviator and clever plan to increase the sales of carbon credits by letting those of us that have them drive in the HOV lane – and now I’m paying the price for my efforts.
It appears that those hyper-capitalists at LiveNeutral.org have sold my name to the environmental community as a good prospect for them. And now Casa Battin is junk mail central. Ugh.
It was bad enough that they made a 300% profit on my carbon credit, but this….this is just mean.
We’re up to our ears drowning in solicitations from my fellow eco-warriors pitching their efforts to save the world, if only I’d become a member of their group. (Special Introductory Offer!)
And reading their mail, it’s clear the Earth is dying – the skies are dark, the oceans polluted, the Sequoias are almost gone, we can’t breathe and the earth is sick with fever….. and for some reason it all seems to be President Bush’s fault. Go figure.
There is some irony here though. 
My new best friends at the Sierra Club have offered me a membership for only $15 (50% Off Regular Price!) and they’ll give me their Sierra Club Commemorative 1892 Rucksack for free. And who doesn’t need a rucksack?
That’s just the beginning. They then go on and on and on and on and on (8 pages – two stickers – and one fake photo of a Sequoia) about how the Sequoias are at the brink of oblivion.
Now reading it (and yes, I did read it), I started thinking "don’t you have to cut down trees to make paper?" and "why, oh why, does the Sierra Club need so much darn paper to tell me about endangered trees?". I also thought "hey, their nifty calendar sticker set is kinda cool – I’m not throwing that away with the rest of this junk mail".
So anyway – I’m being punished. I tried to save the world and now environmental groups are killing trees to try to get me to join up.
I feel so guilty that I’m the cause of this tree holocaust. :-(
Suffering through the junk mail, I remain,
JIM BATTIN
Sierra Club Member #9775631
— OK, I admit it – I didn’t join. I don’t know why they sent me the card. I’m not getting the rucksack, but I am keeping the calendar stickers.
*** Update ***
Here’s my demand to the tree killing, junk mail sending enviro-marketers: Stop sending me mail! If the junk mail doesn’t stop immediately I will be forced to blog in-depth about the letter I received from Leonardo DiCaprio asking me to join the Natural Resources Defense Council (for only $10!) and his offer to give me the nifty "Save The Polar Bear!" canvas tote bag.
Nobody wants it to escalate to that.
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