With all the trauma and loss in southern California because of the wildfires – I thought a little levity might help lighten things up. (no disrespect intended to those that have had their lives impacted by this tragedy)
And when you’re looking for a good stand-up comedian in the spirit of Shecky Greene, look no further than our own Jim Brulte……..I know, I know, and you thought he was just a serious policy wonk.
Recently, Jim was invited to roast Governor Schwarzenegger at the governor’s fundraiser in Hollywood. He killed it.
The Master of Ceremonies was actor / comedian Tom Arnold.
Here is Jim’s stand up act – enjoy!
"
Thank you, Tom, for that introduction.
And I guess I should introduce myself, since I’m not a nationally known celebrity like most of those on the dais. My name is Jim Brulte and I was a Republican leader in the State Assembly and State Senate, back when English was the official language of California.
It’s a great privilege it is to be here to pay tribute to the most influential Republican in California……. Unfortunately Tom McClintock couldn’t be here tonight.
As many of you have read in the newspapers, Conservative Republicans in Sacramento haven’t been very happy with the Governor lately……..Frankly I think they have every right to be upset……….During the Recall we campaigned for the Terminator and we ended up with the guy who gets knocked up in “Junior”……..
What’s that?……….The Governor’s staff is in the front row is telling me to be careful. Come on, guys…..I’m a Conservative, Heterosexual…White…Male…Republican………..I’ve got no shot at a Schwarzenegger appointment
It is a privilege to be here tonight and share the stage with so many talented performers…..Oh, and you too, Tom.
I know that Mayor Villaraigosa wanted to be here tonight…but I understand he’s busy this evening doing personal outreach to the Spanish media…….
But back to our guest of honor…….What can you say about Arnold Schwarzenegger? He’s a true success story. He came to this country with nothing. Today he is a bodybuilding legend, a movie star with no equal the Governor of our Nation’s most populous state….and he’s living a regular middle-class lifestyle just like Assembly Speaker Fabian Nunez.
Working with our governor for the last 4 years, I’ve had a chance to see him up close and personal and I can tell you…He is impressive…. He has a great sense of who he is and what he wants to do……..And because of that…he can accomplish great things. His worker’s comp reform has saved businesses billions of dollars……….He has done almost as much for the cigar industry as Bill Clinton did….and by just letting him be in True Lies….he revived Tom Arnold’s career…..
Now unlike most people in Hollywood, Tom was opposed to plastic surgery…….right up until he got his paycheck from True Lies….. We then had to take him to the doctor’s office to lips surgically removed from the Governor’s a**….….
And now with his success as Governor, Arnold wants to play on a National or International stage…..But since it appears unlikely the Constitution will be changed anytime soon, Arnold doesn’t think about being president any more……..Of course he doesn’t think about it any less either….
But with Arnold it is never enough enough…..World Champion Body Builder, Movie Superstar…..California Governor……
And I’m not saying that Arnold has a big ego, but during sex, he screams out his own name.….…………Isn’t that right, Tom?
I know Tom; your policy on your sexual preference is like the Governor’s policy on identifying his party affiliation. Don’t ask, don’t tell.
But as an insider there is something I can tell you…And one of the best kept secrets in Sacramento is that Governor Schwarzenegger has nicknamed his private parts……….And by the way Governor…..How is your Little Uncle Teddy???
Of course….when history is written about the Schwarzenegger administration…
…..Cutting edge environmental laws,
…..Historic borrowing to Rebuild California, and
..…Health Insurance for all Californians
I am quite confident that dispassionate historians reviewing the record will make sure that when it comes to the successes of your administration…….
Maria will get all the credit……"
No word when Jim is going to take his act on the road…….