Recently my wife went with a friend to a Vegan restaurant. She found it interesting, and enjoyed the experience. She tells me that even the food was good.
But it got me thinking. People value choice in their lives — even progressives. Why doesn’t some liberal group start an explicitly “progressive” restaurant chain — incorporating all the “workers’ paradise” options they so cherish? Given that most people are politically progressive (ask any progressive for verification), it would seem to be a goldmine — let’s ignore the evil of making a profit for the moment.
Liberals would flock to such an establishment. They’d be MORALLY OBLIGATED to do so. The eatery would have a intellectually PC-captive clientele!
The mind reels, thinking of all the progressive policies that could be implemented — that MUST be implemented. Here is only a partial list of the mandatory features of such a culinary establishment — in no particular order:
- Living wage for all. Indeed, no way a person can raise two kids in La Jolla on a paltry $15/hour wage. Think big.
- All “tip” employees get the minimum wage PLUS tips (as is NOW the case in California!).
- Guaranteed pensions and health care for all workers — including part-timers and retired employees.
- Time off for whatever — with pay.
- No labor saving devices allowed. No self ordering kiosks permitted. The mind boggles when going down this path.
- Employees should not be burdened with the denigrating requirement that they notify management in advance that they are not coming to work.
- Tenure. Probably after 6 month’s employment. Don’t laugh — France and Italy have variations on this guaranteed employment approach — even if a business is thinking of closing.
- More paid holidays.
- Overtime kicks in at 30 hours — not 40. Hell, TWENTY HOURS makes even more “sense.”
- The employees have a “safe space” to retreat to if their sensibilities are threatened. Indeed, let’s solve this concern by declaring that the entire restaurant is a “safe space” — forbidding conservatives from voicing political opinions while on the premises.
- All food is guaranteed to be grown, harvested, purchased and prepared in the most expensive, inefficient way possible.
- Guaranteed youth employment (again, an EXISTING European policy).
- Mandatory profit sharing (if there is, perchance, any profit to share).
- Hiring quotas for all minorities — including the 47 variations of LGBT designations.
- No background checks of perspective employees allowed — either employment history or criminal activity.
- No supervisor should have the power to actually — ya know — TELL an employee what to do. Suggestions would, of course, still be welcome.
- It’s insulting to require employees to wash their hands every time they handle raw meat, or go to the bathroom. End such admonitions — make hygiene optional.
I must here apologize because surely I have left out numerous additional PC requirements such a liberal establishment should implement. Admittedly I’m not that familiar with the deeper recesses of the progressive mind.
Now, some Troglodyte naysayer is going to point out that the cost of a meal in such a slipshod establishment would be two, three, or six times more than a capitalist restaurant. But I postulate that progressives are SOOOOO dedicated to their belief system that such a base consideration would not even enter their minds. And indeed, for a few, that might even be true!!
To the wealthy progressives, I say this: Put YOUR money where YOUR mouth is. Start this restaurant chain!
ADDED BENEFIT I PROBABLY SHOULD NOT MENTION: Given the likely high incidence of e-coli, botulism, etc. that would result — over time there would be fewer doctrinaire liberal mouths to feed. Save the planet!!